The life of a mother.....

My feeble attempt at writing....

Water has always relaxed me. I take hot baths on a regular basis. Lately, I've had to share bath time with my 13 month old. Aside from the time he fell asleep nursing in the tub, this is not the relaxing event it once was.

I took advantage of his nap time today to take a leisurely soak in the tub. I sunk deep into the water and released the stress that had taken shelter deep in every muscle and bone in my body. Wonderful. Then I picked up my copy of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Despite reading it for my doula training I find great pleasure in reading it.

I read several birth stories. I found myself intrigued. Many times holding my breath until I completed each story. I read about women who became empowered through childbirth. I reflected on my own birthing experience. I felt a strong desire to research about The Farm. I longed to experience labor and birth euphoria once again. For various reasons, it will likely be two years before I have another birth story to write. This thought was more than a little discouraging.

With that, I drained the water and got out. Then I caught a glimpse of my body in the mirror. I noticed that my butt was looking pretty good. Then I saw the stretchmarks and my forever changed shape. There hung my breasts, sagging, yes, but completely capable of nourishing another person. Overall, I saw my body as strong, powerful, able to birth a child the way many women had in generations past. Yet, I also saw it's ability to lovingly grow a person.

It was then that I saw the softness in my belly that I had come to despise. I suppose, we women will always have some insecurity about our bodies. Yet, almost at the same time I realized that I had a year to mold my body back to a healthier state before asking another baby to join our family. So with that thought, I promptly did 40 crunches.

The life of a mother.....

Breast milk is the best milk

So I was thinking about this whole breast milk situation. Hopefully I can convey my thoughts adequately! :)

Breast is best. Period. You cannot deny that! Yet, few women nurse their children exclusively and for any period of time.

I could say so much about this topic! But I don't want to get too far away from what I set out to say.

If breast is best why do moms use formula? Because it's big business! It's presented in such a way that it's not "that different" from breast milk.

Am I saying that formula should never be used or that those that use it are bad people? No! But there's a bigger problem here!

For one, moms need support when it comes to nursing. It's a vicious cycle. Moms don't nurse so they can't tell their daughters how who in turn fail to nurse. How will this get better? Someone has to stand up and help these moms! It's not always easy but I can tell you first hand that the reward far outweighs any trial!

Secondly, breast milk needs to be made more available. Of course, this is a touchy subject. For some strange reason breast milk is seen as nasty or gross. It's only made to be consumed by that momma's baby. Wrong! There is no reason this has to be the case!

Does this come from the idea that breasts are sexual? That the human body is gross? I really don't know but it's wrong regardless!

Cow's milk comes from cows boobs. Have you seen a cow? They're not the cleanest of creatures. Yet, we think NOTHING of consuming cow's milk. Yet, my breast milk is dirty?

I was also thinking about milk banks. I know there are moms that would love to donate but milk banks have such strict rules. Moms can't take medication. Their babies have to be a certain age. They are subjected to blood tests. Now, I don't know much about cows but I do know that they are given medication to insure that they continue making milk. Their babies are taken from them and given milk from bottles. As far as I know, no consideration is given regarding her calf's age. I have no idea what if any tests each cow is subjected to. Yet again, we drink it without thinking.

What about formula? Are you fully aware of what is in it? I need to study on that but it's my understanding that much of formula's content is byproducts of food adults won't eat! So we feed it to our most vulnerable? Doesn't take a genius to see that's dumb. What about the fact that formula has been found to contain harmful things that cause major problems? Yet, you're afraid to feed your child HUMAN milk? I doubt I'll ever understand that.

I realize that not all women would make suitable donors for various reasons but I venture to say that my unpasteurized breast milk is safer than any cow's milk! You know, the proof is in the pudding....my healthy, thriving, smart 11 month old has done nothing but THRIVE on my milk. I bet you can't find first hand proof quite like that about any of the other options.

Somehow we need to move past the idea of breast milk being dirty and suitable only for biological children. We need to find a way to make it more available whether that be from the source or from a donor. This needs to be seen as NORMAL. I am not a supermom for feeling C milk that God intended him to eat!

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!

Progress

So I have been pumping to donate for 8 days now. I have about 35 ounces for baby A. That's about 5 days worth (would replace the 4-8 ounces of formula she has been getting).

I have always thought nursing was cool. I mean, my body makes food. What? That's crazy! I loved being the only one that could feed tiny C.

Since C is growing and eating grown up food nursing has become less about feeding hunger (though that's the case sometimes!) and more about comfort. I had taken for granted that I make milk.

Now for the past week I have watched that beautiful white liquid flow from my breasts. Little by little I watched it fill the bottle and now my freezer. I have renewed my amazement of the whole process.

The first few days I was only able to pump about 2 oz. But A's mommy assured me this would be helpful. Finally, on Sunday my body got the idea that the need for more milk could not be ignored. It rewarded my efforts with 5 ounces of beautiful milk. Then 6 oz on Monday and 7 oz on Tuesday! (Of course, today my child decided to be possessive of his milk and has only shared 2 1/2 ounces. Ha!)

Some interesting things are happening:

1. My boobs are full more often. Well, duh, but still cool! I can be caught squeezing them throughout the day to gauge whether or not a pumping session would be successful.

2. I am having some signs of lower estrogen levels. Take that Aunt Flo! (I hope, anyway!)

3. I am hungry all the time! I forgot how much food frequent nursing requires. I mentioned this to a friend and she said, "You're feeding a bebe and a half!" Oooooh yeah duh! Now I just need to revamp my healthy snack options!

I don't say all this to draw attention to myself. I truly and honestly feel honored that A's momma is willing to feed her sweet baby my milk.

True lactivism at work

For as long as I can remember I have been incredibly intrigued with pregnancy. I remember spending hours looking at our medical book and carefully studying the pages on the development of babies in utero. The whole processed seemed almost magical to me. I longed for the day it was my turn.

When I was finally pregnant, I soaked up every bit of information I could get my hands on. I loved being pregnant. I felt better pregnant than I did not pregnant as crazy as that may be. I just knew an easy pregnancy just had to result in a dramatic birth. Much to my relief, I had the birth that I wanted (save a minor complication that was a pure fluke).

It wasn't long after my son's birth that I began to eagerly look forward to doing all over again. Call me crazy but it's the truth.

I often wonder why I was able to get pregnant and birth a perfect son when so many struggle with infertility, repeat losses and traumatic births. I have thought about what it would entail to be a surrogate even. Of course, I wrestle with the morality of this as well as my own emotional well-being. The only way I would do this is if the couple donated both the egg and the sperm as I believe all of my children should be raised by me. Then I found out that being a gestational surrogate would require obscene amounts of hormonal birth control and fertility drugs. This crunchy momma is not going down that road. So this half thought out dream was quickly put to sleep.

My heart still aches for the mommas that want babies and can't have them. It's my hope that if these women are to have children that they will be able to.

Despite not being able to help in this way I decided there was a way I could help other moms. I made the decision to donate breast milk to a mom who was unable to produce this liquid gold.

The next day I came in contact with a momma that needed just 6-8 ounces a day. We spent the weekend thinking and praying about this opportunity and it was agreed that we would give it a trial run.

I pulled out my pump for the first time in months. C refuses to drink milk from anywhere but the source so pumping was of no use to us. I began pumping. I pumped all day and yielded about 1/4 of an ounce. I was disappointed, discouraged and felt guilty for getting the other momma's hopes up since it didn't seem like I would be able to pump any substantial amount.

After some research I learned that I did not have the correct sized breast shields for my pump. My mom stopped and picked me up the correct size. Wow! They made all the difference in the world! I was able to pump an ounce in 10 minutes! The discomfort I had before was also gone. I was excited and renewed that this would work.

By this afternoon I had pumped 2 1/2 ounces of liquid gold to safely tuck away in my freezer to await delivery to baby A.

As with anything, there are ups and downs. Despite my best effort, I have not pumped anything substantial the rest of the evening. But that's okay. Every little bit will help the sweet baby girl that will receive my milk.

I have to remember that. I also have to remember that while pumping and sharing is an amazing opportunity, C must come first. A's momma understands this and encourages this! But still, it's my hope that with time, patience and lots of oatmeal that I will begin to make enough to well supply baby A with enough breast milk that she can come off of formula.

Please pray for me during this. I really want to help someone else because the Lord has always given C enough of mommas milk to grow big and strong. It seems only right to share that blessing with others.

I also want to encourage my fellow nursing mommas. It can be so easy to be a die hard lactivist. It's easy to cast blame on moms that formula feed and while agree that far too many moms resort to this, let us not forget about the moms that genuinely try and still can't give their sweet babies all they need. Instead of constantly bashing formula, do something to help! Make breast milk readily available for those that desire it! That is true lactivism at work!

(Note: I do not share this to receive praise. I simply wish to share my thoughts and encourage others to help. So please to don't feel like I am being showy.)

Crunch, crunch, crunch

I'm not out to conquer some list of crunchiness but it seems that with each step in that direction the next few steps come easily.

At the beginning of my journey I simply decided not to take hormonal birth control. Mostly because I was afraid of what the chemicals would do to my body. It also didn't make sense to me to alter what my body is meant to do, ovulate and either get pregnant or have a period.

When I got married I was still pretty cycle stupid, it's a wonder we didn't get pregnant. We would have loved that but we also wanted some us time. Someone suggested the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Light bulb! After ready the book I began charting my cycles.

When I got pregnant, planned mind you, I knew I wanted to try to have a natural birth. One other person in my family had a natural birth so I wasn't confident in this. However, the more and more I read I decided I HAD to have a natural birth. The only way I wouldn't is if it was a medical necessity. It wasn't worth the risk to me to ease myself of the discomfort of labor.

I also knew I would breastfeed. I made it my goal to nurse C for 6 weeks. Because most nursing issues are settled by then. When we made it that far we pressed on to 6 months. Now we're at nearly a year and I doubt we stop any time soon. I'm even open to tandem nursing.

After C was born I used natural supplements to battle baby blues, to help him with teething and now any other ailment. Even my husband sings the praises of essential oils. :)

We co-sleep. It just seemed wrong to put such a little baby alone in a crib. So from day one he was in bed with us. Even at the hospital. I'm amazed the staff didn't fuss at me. But no way was I going to let my child sleep in a portable bassinet that someone could just roll out of the room! 11 months later and he's still in bed with us. Daddy has even come to love it and will often put him in bed with us despite having a pack and play handy.

We started cloth diapering. My first try at this was a fail. I was pretty sure that my crunchy license was revoke and replaced with a crunchy permit. After Pampers started burning his butt I had to give it another try. Success! Sure we have the occasional stink issue but there's not a better feeling than knowing that we are saving money and that my LO is not at an added risk of chemical exposure and infertility.

C wears a teething necklace. People think it's cute. Then ask about it and look at me like I'm nuts. Oh well. It seems to work even if it's a placebo effect.

We have made other crunchy choices that are probably best left unsaid. People tend to get their panties in a wad if you tell too much.

In a perfect world I would be even crunchier. I would love to live in a place that we could walk lots of places. Throw C in his BabyHawk and go to the grocery. Sounds appealing since he hates his car seat. I would love to know even more about oils and supplements instead of using medication. I would LOVE to have a home water birth. I would also like to eat organic food and perhaps give up meat. The whole "no poo" thing would work for me in a perfect world. The way I see it, there's always time to get crunchier! :)

I'm crunchy because it's easy. I'm crunchy because I don't want to put me or my family at unnecessary risk. I'm crunchy because I want to be.

I'm going even further to the dark side

Well, I'm continuing my journey to being a crunchy mom! I bought cloth dipes today. Ah!

I tried pocket diapers when C was about 8 weeks old. They were bulky, had stink and leak issues and I hated them! Because I was still working from home at that point I didn't have the time or energy to learn cloth diapers. I decided to make my life simpler and use sposies.

Fast forward about 6 months, Pampers changed their diapers and my poor son's bum broke out. Despite their denial this had been the case for many moms using the new Pampers.

That initial rash cleared up but I still have this nagging guilt every time I change his diaper. What chemicals am I exposing him to? Am I putting him at risk for infertility?

These are not things I want to be responsible for. So....we're going to try cloth again. I really want to make it work this time! I'm trying hard to just view it as a part of life. I mean, disposables have only existed what, 40 years? Before then, women just cloth diapered their babies. End of story.

I think we Americans have tried to make our life as convenient as it can be. Granted that sounds good but sometimes we put ourselves at risk just to save a few minutes.

I know people think the things I do may be weird but truth be told, this is how people have been doing things for years. Maybe the most recent generation is weird because they have been bucking the system.

Rambling.....

Sounds like it's time to tend to the dipes after their first trip in the washer. Three or four more to go....

Late night ramblings of a semi-crunchy mom that's fallen off the wagon

I have fallen off the wagon. I confess that until yesterday I had not taken my supplements in weeks. I've also been eating baaaadddd. Sue me. Life happens.

Of course I'm paying for my choices. My aching body is reminding me that these choices, while easy at the time, are not worth it later.

So I'm back on my supplements and paying a bit more attention to my food choices. I am currently on a mini-vaca so you know how that goes.

Through all this I am remained faithful to my limited dairy diet. Eating dairy, unlike the other two things, has immediate and drastic effects on C. I can't stand seeing that. Of course I realize an unhealthy mommy will effect C but that's not always obvious. (Tangent....coconut milk "ice cream" is wonderful!!! Wow. I need to research some coupons!)

It's interesting to me. Many crunchy choices are the easier choice but some take a great deal of effort and dedication.

For instance, in my experience anyway, choices like breastfeeding and co-sleeping are easier. Seriously, do you know how nice it is to expose a breast, latch on the child and go back to sleep. Why in the world would I want to get up, heat a bottle, come back to bed, hold said bottle and then throw my child back in his crib. Yeah right!

Other choices like supplements and healthy eating are not so easy, nor are they always affordable. Which is one reason I haven't been doing all that I should. Of course I realize that prevention will save me money on the long run but for the time being we don't have a pot to pee in let alone money to spend on organic food and countless supplements.

So for now, C is getting organic foods thanks to Grams. (My parents are awesome. My in-laws are too. Blessed!) Hubby is a lost cause and I'm trying my best to get back on the wagon and at least compromise on some things.

Oh Trader Joe's please come to my city. You would save me tons of money and provide me with yummy, healthy food (and dark chocolate pretzel crisps of course).

I better wrap this up. It's late and I tend to lose the filter on my thoughts when it's late. Here's to being a bit crunchier this week!

CIO Video

I know I just posted about CIO but the subject is on my mind. (Even House made reference to Ferberizing in last night's show.)

A mom in one of the crunchy forums I am in shared a link. It is a 12 minute video highlighting some of the PHYSICAL effects that take place when a child is left to cry.

PLEASE watch it. The facts speak for themselves!

I personally am not willing to sacrifice my child's brain growth for a night's rest. I will have many nights to sleep when my children are grown.

Video

Thought Provoking Article on CIO

This is a very thought provoking article.

Disclaimer: While I did not see anything offensive, I am not responsible for any content of the like.