True lactivism at work

For as long as I can remember I have been incredibly intrigued with pregnancy. I remember spending hours looking at our medical book and carefully studying the pages on the development of babies in utero. The whole processed seemed almost magical to me. I longed for the day it was my turn.

When I was finally pregnant, I soaked up every bit of information I could get my hands on. I loved being pregnant. I felt better pregnant than I did not pregnant as crazy as that may be. I just knew an easy pregnancy just had to result in a dramatic birth. Much to my relief, I had the birth that I wanted (save a minor complication that was a pure fluke).

It wasn't long after my son's birth that I began to eagerly look forward to doing all over again. Call me crazy but it's the truth.

I often wonder why I was able to get pregnant and birth a perfect son when so many struggle with infertility, repeat losses and traumatic births. I have thought about what it would entail to be a surrogate even. Of course, I wrestle with the morality of this as well as my own emotional well-being. The only way I would do this is if the couple donated both the egg and the sperm as I believe all of my children should be raised by me. Then I found out that being a gestational surrogate would require obscene amounts of hormonal birth control and fertility drugs. This crunchy momma is not going down that road. So this half thought out dream was quickly put to sleep.

My heart still aches for the mommas that want babies and can't have them. It's my hope that if these women are to have children that they will be able to.

Despite not being able to help in this way I decided there was a way I could help other moms. I made the decision to donate breast milk to a mom who was unable to produce this liquid gold.

The next day I came in contact with a momma that needed just 6-8 ounces a day. We spent the weekend thinking and praying about this opportunity and it was agreed that we would give it a trial run.

I pulled out my pump for the first time in months. C refuses to drink milk from anywhere but the source so pumping was of no use to us. I began pumping. I pumped all day and yielded about 1/4 of an ounce. I was disappointed, discouraged and felt guilty for getting the other momma's hopes up since it didn't seem like I would be able to pump any substantial amount.

After some research I learned that I did not have the correct sized breast shields for my pump. My mom stopped and picked me up the correct size. Wow! They made all the difference in the world! I was able to pump an ounce in 10 minutes! The discomfort I had before was also gone. I was excited and renewed that this would work.

By this afternoon I had pumped 2 1/2 ounces of liquid gold to safely tuck away in my freezer to await delivery to baby A.

As with anything, there are ups and downs. Despite my best effort, I have not pumped anything substantial the rest of the evening. But that's okay. Every little bit will help the sweet baby girl that will receive my milk.

I have to remember that. I also have to remember that while pumping and sharing is an amazing opportunity, C must come first. A's momma understands this and encourages this! But still, it's my hope that with time, patience and lots of oatmeal that I will begin to make enough to well supply baby A with enough breast milk that she can come off of formula.

Please pray for me during this. I really want to help someone else because the Lord has always given C enough of mommas milk to grow big and strong. It seems only right to share that blessing with others.

I also want to encourage my fellow nursing mommas. It can be so easy to be a die hard lactivist. It's easy to cast blame on moms that formula feed and while agree that far too many moms resort to this, let us not forget about the moms that genuinely try and still can't give their sweet babies all they need. Instead of constantly bashing formula, do something to help! Make breast milk readily available for those that desire it! That is true lactivism at work!

(Note: I do not share this to receive praise. I simply wish to share my thoughts and encourage others to help. So please to don't feel like I am being showy.)